The jobs were one lesson in impermanence since they were all short-term. Unlike the grocery store, where I stayed on for one reason or another even though I hated it, I didn’t have to stick around if I didn’t want to. I could always move on to something else, provided I found something. At the same time, I found my relationships with people weren’t always permanent, whether I had control or not.

With one good friend I had in the late 1990′s, I found him increasingly difficult to deal with and I ended the friendship. We have since reconciled and are good friends again, but I couldn’t handle his contrariness and what I perceived as his negativity at the time.

I found that even professional relationships weren’t always built on rock. With the professor I call Joseph K, this was definitely the case. This man who’s night course I took to satisfy an American Lit requirement quickly became my mentor, advocate, and friend. However, he ejected me as quickly as he took me in. At the same time, my loyalty did erode towards the end, and nothing could fix it. For a while, our relationship was a shaky one, but all it took was one act of betrayal. Expanding my professional ties resulted in one being severed.

In contrast to those two examples, I have been fortunate to have some longtime friends. My longtime friend Avril is one such person. We’ve known each other for almost 20 years, meeting at FIDM and then loosely staying in contact for a few years on and off until the late 1990′s. We even managed to find time to hang out and transportation was bitch for both of us.* A few years ago, Avril discovered she had British citizenship connected with her mother and having been born in Scotland, so she got her passport, flew off to Europe, and never looked back. She’s been back to visit here in San Diego a few times, but she’s found her home in Europe. Obviously, we can’t hang out as much, but I count her among my closest friends.

Friends and acquaintances have come and gone from my life, but now we’re one big happy digital family on Facebook. Even that doesn’t provide any measure of permanence as some unfriend for a variety of reasons, especially as one can unfriend me or I unfriend them. Co-workers may drift back into my online life, but do I really connect with them? Or did those relationships proved to be as impermanent as the jobs I knew them from?

Some of my first posts for ShindoTV were about the burn from the stove. Having gotten out of the MFA program and finding myself in adjunct hell (which I strangely bought into some bait & switch scheme in my thesis year), I regretted ever enrolling. I issued a warning and then proceeded to write about my experiences, especially some dramatic ones. For the grand price of admission, a $50K student loan, I found that I gained plenty of experiences compared to my sheltered life of my undergrad years, but very little to show for it. I made friends, met nefarious professors, and even had some god-awful jobs with the clientele to go with them. I could have gotten two of the three without going to school. Actually, no. I definitely could have made friends anywhere, but some of those crappy jobs involved students.

If you asked me ten years ago what I wanted to do with my English major, I would have told you writing. Given that being a writer can be a gigantic crap shoot, aspiring writers in college hedge their dream by choosing some career that will provide them with an income that will suck up their days while they do their writing at night, play weekend warrior with the craft, or both. All I wanted to do was get out of the grocery store job that helped finance my college education. Early in the program, I found myself playing assistant editor in a university press magazine ran by a self-serving professor. Somehow, my experience never transferred to the non-academic sector. Teaching, however, was the ultimate hedge.

When I studied in undergraduate creative writing workshops, I thought it would be great to teach aspiring writers. I would be a nurturing professor, not those evil teachers who crush and destroy those kids whose only dream is to be the next Bukowski or whoever else young writers are fond of reading these days. When I finally got my chance as a TA with an intro creative writing class, I found that I had a class that was too big, strange demands put on me to teach both fiction and poetry, and some unruly students, especially a bitch named Mindy Shatner. Unfortunately, those negatives have overshadowed the positives for me in the course, such as that with some students, I really did succeed in my objectives.

Given that first experience, I’m surprised I came back for more. I did a TA’ship for an Intro to Lit course and got in trouble for grade inflation for the sections I taught. The professor was not pleased with me and even sent me an e-mail with “this is the university, not summer camp.” Really? Yes, the university was solidly accredited, but as far as it being a bastion of higher learning… Don’t make me laugh.

I even did an internship program for those who want to teach community college. It was a program coordinated with all the districts in the county and I took it up for resume fodder. I worked for free one semester and got a paying class the next. For someone who was finishing up grad school, I was making more money than I did with my crappy university gigs. The reality was one class really didn’t pay much, though I’d get a better sense of this after graduating and then trying to cobble together an income.

The one thing I dislike about the adjunct lifestyle is that I didn’t go to grad school to try to hustle up a living with multiple jobs. This was the type of thing people do when their jobs are completely inadequate to live on. This is the treadmill the working poor find themselves on. Education, it seems, provides no exemption to this demographic. At times I bitch too much about it. I want to jump off this boat.

I’ve tried a couple of times to leave adjunct teaching. Once, I got a job in some non-profit’s mailroom, which was short lived. When that job fell through, I sent many resumes, which seemed to go to the digital bin. Occasionally, I had an interview, but no offer. Even though I didn’t wholeheartedly want to return to it, my teaching experience was more of a sure sell as I courted various colleges’ department chairs. I’ve recently accepted a night course for purely mercenary reasons – I need the money.

Looking back, I could have learned about writing on my own without college or the MFA. There are enough books on the craft of creative writing and even some silly motivational ones to keep an aspiring writer going. Finding other people who were interested in writing has never been that difficult, so it’s possible to create a community without expensive programs. As for a literary education, I don’t doubt I could have gained more from reading without a professor telling me what to think and what to write in a bluebook.

I wish I could say I’m taking a positive turn from this chapter in my life, that I am bravely going into my post-academic life. I wish I could follow that glib advice “If you don’t like your job, leave.” Yeah, easier said than done, especially when jobs are really hard to come by. If I had a time machine, perhaps I would retcon my life. Somehow, I have a feeling I’d still burn my hand on the stove.

As a student, I’ve gone through the community college, undergraduate university, and grad school systems. I’ve also worked as a TA, GTA, and a community college instructor, so I have some perspective from both sides. Even with more and more courses going online, a majority of classes offered still take place in real time, these things definitely apply:

1. Read the syllabus and keep it preserved throughout the quarter or semester. The professor may refer to it from time to time. Also, you as the student need to know the policies. Protect yourself by knowing the law of the classroom. It’s always good to know he rules, but this can also come in handy if you have a legitimate grievance. Also, if a schedule’s attached,  it is important to note the assignments, and deadlines. Keep the schedule and CYA.
2. Attend all your classes, barring illness or something that legitimately prevents you from doing so. Playing hooky only hurts you.
3. Read the assignments and do the homework. This is active learning. You’ll learn by doing, whether it’s studying the material, reading assigned books, or getting practice in writing and critical thinking. This approach also works for classes in math or science. Also, doing these things will help you be prepared for your next class.
4. Come to class prepared. Do the readings and homework. Also, come to class with your thoughts and questions on the subject at hand. Write these things down while studying. Also, being prepared helps you to participate in class as you’ll ask germane questions and effectively contribute to the discussions.
5. Participate, participate, participate. If something doesn’t make sense, ask questions. Several of your classmates may even have the same question. Also, if you’re getting insights from your studies, contribute to the discussion as appropriate. What you say may compliment the professor’s lessons and might even provide an “a-ha” moment for your classmates. When you’re put in groups, do the work and make sure your classmates are pulling their weight. All this said, many professors consider the amount and quality of class participation when factoring their grades.
6. Behave appropriately. Follow the syllabus’s policies on classroom decorum. Treat everyone with respect. You don’t want to become that disruptive student. You don’t want to be the one who plays with their mobile phone in class, chatters with classmates while the professor is talking or another classmate is contributing to the discussion, or the one who always makes a grand entrance walking in late. While this may not be fair, behavior unbecoming of a student often has a way of overshadowing whatever achievements made in class.
7. Turn things in on time and meet the exam deadlines. If you have a job, you really don’t want someone to make you back track on a task and do it over again. That’s what you do to a teacher by turning something in late (provided they accept it). There are many professors who don’t accept late assignments or make up tests, so you only hurt yourself by failing to comply.
8. Keep your school schedule on the reasonable side of full-time. Going beyond 12 units is a mistake and taking on too many commitments outside of school is as well. Overextending yourself will really hurt you academically.
9. No excuses. Offer none. No one really cares. Perhaps for the first time in your life, you may find that the world does not revolve around you. No one will feel sorry for you. The professors have heard almost every excuse ever made, including some very 21st century ones.
10. Do your best. You will get the most out of your education if you do.

If you get a class taught by a TA, all of the above rules apply. Do not expect any favors from them because they’re (grad) students. Also, do not bully them or do things to treat them badly. They have worked hard to get where they are, even to get the position of teaching your class or breakout session of a lecture course. If you think you’re smarter than them, keep it to yourself. Anyone who thinks their  superior intelligence justifies mistreating a TA must understand that this conduct is absolutely inexcusable. They should try treating a fully tenured professor this way and see where it gets them. Overall, be respectful and do you work, regardless of instructor’s rank.

Keep in mind that your relationship with the professors is not only academic, but political. You may need to approach them to write letters of recommendations or serve as references. You definitely want them to know who you are by distinguishing yourself in their courses with your work in their courses. It does you little good if the professor doesn’t know who you are simply because you coasted by in their classes. Also, you do not want them as your enemies.  As mentioned before, be respectful.

In closing, take responsibility for your learning and be a respectfully active participant in your education. It will help you go a long way.

What I can’t get over are her claims, as quoted from the CNN article:

As Thompson sees it, any reasonable employer would pounce on an applicant with her academic credentials, which include a 2.7 grade-point average and a solid attendance record. But Monroe’s career-services department has put forth insufficient effort to help her secure employment, she claims.

“They’re supposed to say, ‘I got this student, her attendance is good, her GPA is all right — can you interview this person?’ They’re not doing that,” she said.

She suggested that Monroe’s Office of Career Advancement shows preferential treatment to students with excellent grades. “They favor more toward students that got a 4.0. They help them more out with the job placement,” she said.

2.7 is something to pounce on? What planet is this woman from? Oh, this one and on the same planet, we had a president with equally impressive grades ru(i)n our country for eight years. Only, I never, ever voted for him, but apparently most of my friends and neighbors probably did, though they would never admit it. I digress, but 2.7 really isn’t anything to brag about. Then again, neither is a 4.0, which seems to be abundantly common thanks to grade inflation. Too bad she wasn’t savvy enough to shop for the professors who’d know what her real grades were, yet they’d give her the ones that would look better on her transcripts. As for favoring those with higher grades, um… Grades and GPA aren’t protected classes when it comes to discrimination. Grade-based discrimination is how many higher educations run.

As for attendance, being in a class every day may or may not matter. If a student shows up to class, participates, and helps him or herself and others learn, then there’s value to that. However, if a student is present every day, yet does nothing, then perfect attendance is no use. When I was a student at the FIDM, there was one classroom where the mannequins were every day, even when there wasn’t a class. They went way beyond showing up and they never got any points for it.

Don’t get me wrong. I am sympathetic to her situation. After all, there seems to a long-spoken promise in our culture that if we get an education, then we have a ticket to better jobs. I have seen how that is a joke, especially when people who train for years in university get a job with a paltry salary. It’s one thing if they are working at the McDonald’s or Payless, but it’s even worse if they are doing something like teaching or anything else that commensurate with their education pays peanuts. It’s also frustrating to plug away at a job, lead after lead, and not have anyone call you back. If she did gigs to gain experience in her field, even if she had to work for free for a while, then she would have a case. I have a feeling she didn’t. All I’d have to say to her is, “Get in line, sister,” because there are a whole lot of people who did everything right and they can’t find a job. Perhaps they should be ahead of her in pursuing a grievance with the education system.

Hat tip to Ted, via Facebook for link to CNN article.

Computer: term that once referred to bulky server-like machines, but now refers to the desktop variety, suitable for word-processing, Internet usage, and pornography. Despite its three to four decade presence in universities, many professors still demonstrate a learning ability when it comes to using a tool most of the general public takes for granted.

Misogyny: Sexist behavior and attitude of male professors long-tolerated until the late 20th century with the rise of feminism and political correctness. Even with misogyny now frowned upon, some male professors still pay attention to hemline of a skirt than what they or the students say in the classroom. Some even use alcohol to do actions such as tell female students that they have magnetic breasts. Male chauvinist pig professors, unfortunately , have tenure on their side. Good luck pursuing your case.

Moore, Lorrie: Oddly inventive American literary fiction writer, English professor, and MFA alumna with a sharp mind and sense of humor. Moore makes fun of university English departments, English professors, and literary theory in Birds of America.

Political correctness: The effort to avoid offending anyone to the point of coining awkward euphemisms. As the prevailing dogma over the past 20 or so years, it is the ultimate obstacle to free speech and progress as no one can say what’s on their mind and just get over it. See liberalism, conservatism, free speech.

Political Science major: Like the English major, this student has no discernible skills or talent and goes to school to learn what can be read from major newspapers and magazines regarding current events.

Post-Colonial Theory/Discourse: Theory about literature, etc, from countries damaged from foreign colonization, especially dominant Western powers (England, France, Spain, etc), and making excuses for those cultures’ current (lack of) development. See theory, postmodernism, political correctness.

Postmodernism: An abstract concept that constantly draws attention to itself and the working of modern life and ideas of the latter half of the 20th century. Only, modern is out of date, so calling something postmodern gives it an air of coolness. See metafiction, theory.

Queer Studies: An academic discipline that teaches LGBT students things they should already know about themselves. See Queer Theory, Women’s Studies.

Romance Novels: Forbidden formulaic genre fiction depicting female romantic fantasies, seen as fluff by academics. Readers can get around this by reading works by 19th century authors such as Jane Austen and the Brontë sisters. Their works provide romance with plenty of melodrama and dramatic tension, but without the bodice ripping.

Russell, Bertrand: 20th century spoiled-brat, English lord, and mathematician-turned-philosopher hack, best known for “Why I am not a Christian,” which spawned many badly written memoirs by atheists.

Semiotics: pseudo-mathematical attempt to analyze literature, co-opted from philosophy. See theory.

Stupid questions: They exist, though it’s politically incorrect to say so. See political correctness.

Tenure: One of the best job security systems in the world, as it protects professors from things that would get someone fired outside academia. As for lecturers, TA’s, and other peons – they’re fucked.

Women’s Studies (AKA Womyn’s Studies): An academic discipline that teaches women things they should already know about themselves. Also, they are incapable of correctly spelling “women” as they insist on replacing the “E” with a “Y”.

Women studies major (male): A man who wants to be a woman, but hasn’t admitted it yet.

Womyn: Somehow, Women’s studies scholars see the “E” as the penis in the word, replacing it with a “Y” which now makes it look like it has a penis. Oh, that’s supposed to be a big clit. See Women’s Studies.

Alcohol: Drug of choice for many writers, professors, and students, especially as beverages such as beer, wine, and cocktails are accessible at parties, bars, and even some places on campus. Drinks often serve as a social lubricant, often facilitating disastrous events and a breakdown of health. The mentioned demographic is also tragically attracted to booze as they see imbibing as very writerly, though it has caused the demise of Raymond Carver, Jack Kerouac, and Dylan Thomas, just to name a few.

Art house films: An all encompassing category of cinema covering independent, foreign, gay and lesbian (and transgender and all that’s in between, literary adaptations/period pieces done by Merchant Ivory, and “literary” movies such as those by Ingmar Bergman. While not officially part of most humanity curricula, there’s a general expectation that professors and students alike eschew mainstream films, such as pointless thrillers and action films.

Bukowski, Charles: Poet and novelist whose barfly persona has inspired many fledgling writers to emulate his alcoholic lifestyle. Unlike many of his literary, cross-generation disciples, Bukowski had a highly developed work ethic. See alchohol.

Café/Coffeehouse: An establishment for serving coffee. The coffee drinking public often buys few drinks, hangs around the coffeehouse for hours on end, and expects things for free, like wireless service for their laptops and smart phones. Traditionally, patrons either spend long hours reading, studying, working, having conversation, or all of the above. it’s the type of enterprise where the only the hardiest of entrepeneurs survive. Also, it comes in handy to know pretentious Italian names for drinks.

Coffee: Day drug of choice for many writers, professors and students, mainly because it’s legal and keeps one alert for study and writing. Definitely an integral part of academic and literary cultures as it helps facilitate conversation (somewhat) and serves as a handy prop for studying in a noisy environment. Like most things associated with the two cultures, definitely an acquired taste, even with cream and sugar.

Conservatism: A disagreeable political philosophy protected by the First Amendment. Students expressing such views find that their free-speech loving profs often want to censure them in some way, the most easiest way being lower grades. Some students have been known to strike back, most notably through The Dartmouth Review. However, young conservatives often are spoiled brats and disgruntled bullies.

Democratic Party: Major American political party favored by professors and students alike, despite its pussyfooting around with significant issues calling out for reform. Essentially a conservative in liberal’s clothing.

The Elements of Style. The little book that started grammar snobbery in the 20th century, responsible for strangled prose as writers since then have struggled to conform to the contradictory messages contained within.

English/Comparative Literature major (graduate): The same definition applies to them as the undergraduate English majors, but these Masters degree and PhD students are English professors and literary critics in training.

Film Department/Film School: Like the MFA creative writing program, a niche industry in academia for exploiting budding film makers and script writers, who’ll later hawk their wares while waiting tables in LA restaurants. This is not covered in the curriculum.

Foucault, Michel: An oft-quoted and referred to French philosopher no one knows anything about. Invoking Foucault’s name is the magic spell to give an intellectual hack in any field (especially the humanities) an air of authority.

Frat boys: The bane of an English (or other humanities’) professor‘s existence as they represent conformity, philistinism, and every thing else is wrong with America at the moment. Oh, they all look alike and they’re spoiled brats too.

Freedom of Speech: That only exists for professors and their half-baked ideas, not students. The hacks would be fired if it weren’t for the likes of the ACLU.

Liberalism: Liberals are often hard-pressed to define the ideas they subscribe to, except that conservatives are evil and somehow must be stopped. Liberal students, like their conservative counterparts, are often  spoiled brats and are trained to treat conservatives with condescension (which is a form of bullying).

Marxism/Socialism: Historically misunderstood political philosophy authored by Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels, feared by ultra-conservative middle-class Americans and championed by young, well-educated middle-class Americans who truly have no idea what it’s like to be poor and/or working class. Privileged students ungrateful for all the sacrifices their parents (who could be yachting or traveling or somehow enjoy their tax-freed income) made for them to be in school usually become Marxists, hoping to maintain their place of privilege in case the revolution truly is televised.

TA: A lowly paid teaching assistant assigned to professor teaching large lecture courses. The professor will pontificate about anything in addition to assigned reading while his or her TA’s must make sure the kids actually learn something and grade their work. The work burro of academia if there ever was one.

GTA/Teaching Fellow: Graduate teaching associate or teaching fellow gaining practical professorial experience as the professors, but at a pay scale similar to the TA‘s. The hope that they’ll someday become well-paid professors themselves sustains them through their self-imposed poverty in graduate school.

Virginia Woolf: An English novelist, essayist, and a long sentence writer who can put William Faulkner to shame, famous for her stylish prose and for whining about wanting a room of her own.

Bloom, Harold: Literary critic and self-appointed cultural arbiter, especially as leading voice against reading Harry Potter in recent years.

Art major: Highly talented student who faces bleak employment prospects after college.

Avant-garde: highly encouraged in art, but is an exercise in futility for English majors and MFA students, where intellectual laziness in the creative writing workshop often gets in the way of helping an innovative writer with their work. Unfortunately, avant-garde has been used as a cover for lack of literary talent for some English professors who moonlight as writers.

Carver, Raymond: Writer of literary fiction whose minimalist style, banal subjects, and odd sensibilities are often aped by advanced creative writing students. A notable Iowa Writer’s Workshop‘s professor, Carver helped shape the myth of the drinking writer.

English Teacher (high school): A means of stable, but financially unrewarding employment for the English major. A cynical shadow of the former college self who projects his or her intellectual insecurities upon their students, contributing greatly to the illiteracy rate in the U.S. and perpetuating myths about grammar, not in any particular order. Some manage to escape this rut, such as Stephen King (see genre fiction).

Faulkner, William: 20th century Southern-fried American novelist whose extremely long, but stylish sentences overshadow his stories. Also responsible for helping perpetuate his hunter’s tweed jacket as a fashion item for “respectable” types, including writers, English professors, and truly committed English majors.

Flaubert, Gustave: 19th Century French novelist whose painfully belabored prose and slender literary output is the ancestor of and gold standard for modern literary fiction. Best known for Madame Bovary, the sexiness of which is lost in Flaubert’s quest for le mot juste (the right word).

Gardner, John: English professor and literary fiction writer whose legacy includes the novel Grendel and The Art of Fiction, an arch-conservative treatise on writing and literature. Raymond Carver was his former student. Think of Gardner as the Palpatine to Carver’s Darth Vader.

Graphic arts major: Sellout. See art major.

Hemingway, Ernest: Big, burly American man and novelist of the early 20th century whose persona perpetuated several myths such as being a tough, macho writer (see male poet) and travel as a writerly activity. His brief, manly style is often aped by beginning creative writing students.

Iowa Writer’s Workshop: The mother of all MFA Creative Writing Programs at the University of Iowa, carrying with it a perverse prestige. Many notable writers have studied there, with much more famous ones on faculty. Perhaps the institution most responsible for literary fiction‘s high emphasis on style and realism without much substance.

MLA (Modern Language Association): Pedantic professional organization of “language professionals,” including English professors, best known for inflicting their format on students addled with the task of writing research papers.

O’Connor, Flannery: A notable alumna of the Iowa Writer’s Workshop, a brilliant Southern writer, and detractor of the creative writing workshop in her post-MFA years.

Harry Potter: A series of novels centered around a magical orphan, whose highly successful author, J.K. Rowling, demonstrates point made about Charles Dickens.

Science fiction: Genre fiction that English professors and most English majors actively avoid, as they are too intellectually lazy to read it on its own terms.

Technical writer: Often an English major or from other “creative” background, though there are some alumni of programs specializing in this field. A stable and much more rewarding profession than being an English teacher, the technical writer harbors dreams of becoming a novelist and works on creative writing projects while pretending to browse the Internet like most other time-wasting office employees.

Thomas, Dylan: A notable poet in English literature despite being Welsh. Under no circumstances duplicate his lifestyle as he drank himself to death.

Tweed: Fabric of choice for dowdy clothing worn by writers (see Faulkner, William), humanities professors, and students. In recent decades, tweed has fallen out of favor with English professors, English majors, and MFA students who fancy themselves as hipsters.

Adjunct instructor/professor: See Lecturer.

Classics major: effete elitist who needs an excuse to see naked men and/or think about male homosexual relationships in the ancient world.

Creative writing workshop: students air their literary talent (or lack of) to an audience of their peers and a professor without the benefit of cameras or Simon or the other American Idol judges.

Dickens, Charles: a highly popular 19th century English novelist who would not be read and studied by English students and professors if he were a living author in the 20th and 21st centuries due to his sentimentality, melodrama, and predictability.

English Teacher (Japan): Useful employment for English major with no marketable job skills. They often fall in love with Japan and start to think they are Japanese, often to the amusement of the natives, who call them henna gaijin (funny foreigners).

English Literature major: see English major, wishes they were British, preferably English.

English major: snobby college student with lack of discernible talent and/or knowledge, and reads boring novels.

English professor: someone who pontificates about things they know nothing about, going way beyond their expertise (or lack of).

French major: Rightfully snobby college student, especially if they have mastered the language, especially with reading the literature. They may think they are French, especially if they have spent time in France.

Genre Fiction: Serious English majors and creative writing students are to avoid mainstream fiction (such as mystery, thrillers, romance, westerns, and science fiction) at all cost, and face serious social sanctions from their peers and professors if they even admit to reading and/or enjoying these works.

Grammar snobs: people who think they know everything about grammar, but know absolutely nothing at all. Do not engage in discussion. If one tries to bait you, walk away.

Joyce, James: Early 2oth century Irish writer whose stream of nonsense style is still emulated by creative writing students who think they are reinventing the wheel.

Kerouac, Jack: A Beat Generation writer students try to imitate more for his self-destructive lifestyle than for his actual writing style (which they consider hip). They try to copy that too, often with disastrous results.

Lecturer: Highly intelligent and passionate academic who often lack the star power of a professor (and thus tenure) and must often work several jobs to make a living.

Literary critic: Intellectual parasite, the Perez Hilton of literature and academia.

Literary fiction: Artfully boring short story, novella, or novel with stylish language and no imagination. Often focuses on extremely banal subjects (in the United States, anyway).

Literary journal/magazine: Publication no one reads, responsible for maintaining the existence of poetry, short works of fiction, and the publishing history of professors who need to justify their presence at universities.

Male poet: defensively straight, feels compelled to portray himself as a macho, but hip womanizer.

Mathematics: Something most humanities students and scholars fear because it requires actual intellectual rigor and skill.

MFA (Master of Fine Arts), Creative Writing: Niche market in academia, exploiting aspiring writers and providing employment for authors who would otherwise gain little or no income from their published writing.

Metafiction: An author’s narcissistic need to insert himself/herself as a character into his/her fictional story or the need to draw attention to the writing process in the writing style. This is the literary equivalent of talking about oneself in the third person or sewing a garment with the seams showing inside-out. Not pretty.

Open mic: Amateur hour for poetry, often done at a dirty coffee house. A free-for-all, this may include bad singers with acoustic guitars.

Philosophy major: see English major, going a step further with texts no one understands, especially them.

Plath, Syliva: the original emo poet, wallowing in self-pity and taking out her issues with her father and husband in her writing. Like Joyce and Kerouac, she too has hordes of imitators who ape her style badly.

Poems/Poetry: Type of writing consisting of arbitrary line breaks and rhymes. Nobody reads poems, but everyone writes them, evident by the small shelves dedicated to the genre at Borders or Barnes & Noble and an abundance of emo poems on the Internet. Given that, students are subject to poetry as a form of torture by Norton anthologies and other text books approved by English departments at major universities.

Poetry slam: See open mic, often more competitive, but without cameras or Simon or the other American Idol judges.

Queer theory: Utter nonsense written about gay, lesbian, transgendered, and everything under the rainbow topics by grad students and professors who don’t know what they’re talking about. See theory.

Shakespeare, William: Alleged playwright and poet. No one knows if he really wrote all the great works attributed to him. Essentially, the Milli Vanilli of the Renaissance, though “How shall I compare thee to a summer’s day” certainly trumps “Girl you know it’s true.”

Short story: Literary genre fallen out of circulation despite it being ideally suited for the social conditions of the 21st century vs. the novel (which publishers like because they are sellable). Also an excuse to buy Playboy, which strangely is one of the few remaining mainstream publishers of the short story.

Theory: talking about nothing in a jargon designed to confuse and confound. Originally something intelligent from the French, it has since been hijacked in the United States by English and Philosophy professors and their graduate students.

I have made some meaningful connections with faculty and students at the institutions where I have taught. However, I have been in some less-than-ideal situations and dealt with some “scary monsters.” Also, regardless of the class load, it feels like I kill myself with work. I am all for hard work. I’m just not for overwork. Working day and night on things really isn’t that efficient, but it is reality for many “freeway flyers.” I’ve had quite a few semesters where I’ve driven to several campuses, had lots of papers to read, and not much downtime between it all. I have become so sick of “killing myself” for little pay.

How the hell did I get myself in this situation? I only have myself to blame as I willingly took on low-paying jobs in graduate school, seeing them as stepping stones. I essentially worked as an editorial assistant for Professor K’s deviant lit journal for $200 a month. Even though it stressed me out a great deal, tutoring for the Rhetoric department added a few hundred dollars to my income. I also worked for an independent bookstore one day a week, which I really enjoyed. Then there was the TA’ships, which paid $345 a month each. One semester I taught creative writing to lower division students, and $345 a month covered keeping track of 30 students, prepping, grading work, dealing with stage fright, and putting up with abuse from Mindy Shatner and some others. A semester later, $345 a month covered two breakout sections of a large lecture course taught by a tenured professor (so I was responsible for 60 of her students), reading & reviewing works on her syllabus even if I’ve read them before, giving quizzes (thank God for Scantron), and then whizzing through the half-baked student essays written for the midterm and final. Given that I got used to having low pay, teaching a community college English class (which grossed at $700-$800 a month) seemed like a great job to have during my thesis semester.

I must add that before graduate school, I worked for a grocery store for over a decade and I hated it. The income was more stable, I no doubt made more money per month than on any of my piddly academic gigs, and I had great benefits. Somehow, those things weren’t enough to to keep me doing one grocery job or another, so I walked away and never looked back.

Some people have been able to feign excitement at sales or some pointless functionary job in a corporation, but I’ve never been able to do that. What kid grows up thinking, ‘Yes, I want to be mindless pencil pusher who has all the time in world to look at I Can Has Cheezburger?’ I wanted to be an actor, a violinist, a dancer, a painter, etc. I never became any of those things. However, I found writing to be a worthwhile pursuit and got into an MFA program. The employment prospects were never abundant, but risk and pursuing passion were much sexier than getting stuck behind some desk in a pseudo-office, AKA cubicle. Perhaps I should have taken a cubicle and stuck with it. I would have hated it much more than I ever hated the grocery store, but I’d have resources to abuse such as a computer, broadband networks, printers, and copiers. Then I could raid the supply lockers for things such as Post-It’s and glue sticks. But, I know the perks don’t always outweigh the hell of such environments.

On some perverse level, I wanted something to show for my education, even if the pay was the proverbial peanuts. Also, there was a recent time in my life where pursuing teaching gigs was more of a sure bet than non-teaching ones. I took jobs where I could get them. Even with a worsening economy, I don’t want to be resigned to that. For my own personal economy, it’s not sustainable as paying some bills and keeping up with some expenses have been difficult over the past few months. A bail-out would be nice.

That I’ve taken a few small steps to get out of this, such as getting in to an MLIS program, has given me some hope. Patience, hard work, and sacrifice are in order. So, my experience with academic poverty may serve me well in the next couple of years. Here’s to longterm goals and the “light at the end of the tunnel.”

• The student needs to fill out an agreement with the instructor regarding their need to finish their coursework beyond the semester.
• There is usually one assignment that’s needed to satisfy the requirements for a student’s grade, but there may be more.
• The student has one year from the end of the semester date to complete their work.
• After the conditions have been outlined in the agreement and the instructor turns in the agreement, the student’s grade is recorded as “I” or INCOMPLETE.
• Here is the dangerous part: If a student does not complete the work necessary for them to get a passing grade, their “I” or INCOMPLETE will turn into an F.

I’ve never took an incomplete in college. I’ve never been a big fan of paper work, and the less there is, the better. Now, this is an unrealistic desire for someone in my profession. When I was in graduate school, there was some silly piece of paper to turn in to some office every week. Of course, this is a gross over-exaggeration, but I don’t think I’m too far from the truth. The incomplete was simply another document to fill out.

Given that, I did not make it a habit to approach my professor mentors and tormentors for incompletes. I usually finished my coursework by the end of the semester, even it killed me. There were many times where it almost did.

There was only one semester where I ever approached a professor to do an incomplete. It was a course on the great world novel and I chose to my semester paper on Shusaku Endo‘s Silence. This novel’s theme was suffering, which I would ironically experience as I struggled through the year to do the paper.

For some reason, it took me a while to decide on using this work as the topic for my paper. However, it would take me a long while to get it done. I often found excuses not to do it. The following semester, I dealt with drama. I had a personal and professional falling out with the professor who helped me get into graduate school (a cautionary tale against doing graduate programs in your undergraduate alma mater). It didn’t help that I worked as assistant editor for his disturbingly sick literary* journal at the time (I formally resigned mid-year shortly after any sign of friendship and personal regard disintegrated on both sides). I had an unrequited interest in a supposedly good friend of mine who took advantage of it. He lived in my apartment for a while and he didn’t hesitate to cash in the benefits when it suited him. He rejected me at a point when I started to think I had a chance with him. I then kicked him out of my apartment, but my woes were far from over. I wound up seeing a counselor that spring semester to deal with both issues, and one of the things that came up in the conversation from time to time was the incomplete.

In the aftermath, I was dealing with the emotional issues listed above, but I still struggled with getting a silly essay done. I still had to do creative writing for the workshops and readings for the lit courses in my program, which also had essays. I kept putting it off and putting it off, but the incomplete was always on my mind.

I did manage to get it before the year was over. The paper wasn’t great at all; however, I didn’t let it turn into an F. I just couldn’t afford it.

After that, I vowed never to take on another incomplete again. To use a clich�, it was a monkey on my back. I could not stop thinking about it even when I wasn’t working on it, and that was a constant distraction. As for the drama that served as a nice excuse? It soon passed. From time to time, I had to deal with the former mentor on a bureaucratic level. As for so-called friend, I realized he was useless and I never fell into that unrequited trap again. I am glad that the counselor didn’t let me forget about making sure I satisfied the incomplete.

Knowing that I don’t work well like this, I always feel some concern for students who take this on. As a teacher, I’m not too crazy to being tied to any class for a year.

*This is not a statement of literary conservatism on my part as it is more of a pot shot.