It’s been quite a week. It wasn’t my intention to go dark on the blog last week, but I didn’t have the time nor the inclination to post anything beyond the one that announced the death of my relative. I picked up some hours at the language school in the morning mainly because I said yes to it the week before, but given the sudden change, it gave some normalcy in my life (as if there is any) while the rest of it was visiting my uncle, making sure he’s ok before and after the funeral.
I started reading an interesting book about Starbucks, that went by the wayside. I picked it up again this week, an interesting read so far. I finished Deer Hunting With Jesus some time ago, and I’ll do a post on it soon.
At the language school, I had a very cool group. While not the rowdy crowd of last summer’s Ju-Ju story, this group was intelligent and eager to learn. There was a retired psychologist from Germany whose husband was conducting the Wagner opera now playing in San Diego. While I’m not a regular opera goer, I must go to this one as this is too good of a story to let it end without me going.
Right now, it’s faculty development week at several of the schools I teach. I briefly saw Rob and chatted a bit, but we were at the English department meeting for the school where we both teach. We’ll most likely stay sane through making postcards and pursuing other creative avenues, and then reading each other’s blog entries about it.
Earlier this afternoon, a friend of mine called me to tell me Heath Ledger died. Right after I finished talking to him, I called Gary, my friend the former Baptist minister/Brokeback Mountain afficionado, and left a message on his voice mail. It only seemed right as he was the novella’s biggest proponent (among the people I know) and he got all his friends to see the movie the night of its release. Heath Ledger in his portrayal of Ennis had touched Gary’s life on some level. After he called me back, I learned a few other of his friends, including our mutual friend Jaylen, called him with the news as well.
Then there are the friends who annoy me. Well, one friend, Mr Pushy, who invited me as his guest to a party he was invited to. On Saturday, the day of the party, I got cold feet after hanging out with my uncle all day. I wanted to have some time alone, so I called him to bail out of it. I made the mistake of asking him if he would be offended if I didn’t come instead of simply telling him why I did not want to go. He then told me he would be, making me feel cornered. I didn’t have a bad time at the party, but it didn’t leave me feeling good about him as a friend. There was something else, but I can’t talk about it. However, it bothered me for the past couple of days. I tried calling him yesterday, but couldn’t get a hold of him. I finally got a hold of him and aired my gripes. From his end, my trying to back out of the party pissed him off as he RSVP’d.
I explained my position, where I told him the reasons why, and he in turn tried explained his reasons. I don’t think we’ll ever quite agree here. Somehow, I left the conversation feeling like being his friend was more of a chore than before. He seems to be of the mindset that when you say you’re going to do something, you should do it. He’s not crazy about people changing their minds. He told me it was something he was working on himself. How come attempts at personal growth have the ironic effect where they are hard on you when you reflect their faults?
I feel if someone tries to communicate their trying to back out, it’s better than some other ways they could go about it. There’s one time honored, passive aggressive means of bailing out: standing someone up. I didn’t do that.
He said I had a pattern of “doing this” (which I don’t quite understand). I always love it when people make abstract cases like this, especially since he didn’t seem to have the time nor desire to explain it. While I can’t think other attempts to flake out right off the top of my head, he might hold my refusal to go out with him to the bars when he has the itch to go out against me.
I guess I really should think about why I resist being social with this friend, especially at times when he seems to need me.
Tags: blog friends, Heath Ledger, venting
